A Southward Tide

Poems, essays and excerpts. A favorite quote or two. An observation. A compendium of imagery. A dream analysis.

Tag: death

One Hundred Years Past

It was a long way she trod from
second one till a hundred past.

Paris bombed!
The wars did come and go.

From the windowsill, she sewed rag to rag
and watched them all. She tied her
things up in boxes stacked a century ago,
mended clothes pressed flat in a Norman cupboard.

She died in a modern hospital room
that resembled nothing the year she was born,
the early century – 1908.
She was just a child when all those boys died.

And then she bore her own in the second war.

Paris liberated!
Flags waved, firecrackers burned.

Years later, they fought.
My father left.

For decades, she was old.
We sat her at a table once a year
and smiled when she was gone.
She smelled like musty things.

How little we notice until they die,

then we try on their heavy shoes,
we unpack their boxes, flip
scalloped pictures, yellow and gray.

We touch their things as if
we knew how to cradle a hungry child
and yearn the taste of milk.

How little we build from souvenirs,
how little we cared to ask when
she sat old by the windowsill.

Life is long – but the same length for all,
the same second one till years gone past.
And the pain it takes to remember,
we soon forget.

She lived to a hundred and three,
and we shall soon forget.

Memento Mori

An open casket wake. Deceased in his eighties. Slow unfolding dementia. Minor stroke. And peace a few days later with his family by his bedside.

He wanted the casket open. His wife would have it preferred closed but she kept his dying wishes. There at the end of the hall, I can see his long nose peaking out over the mahogany.

I never saw my father after he passed. That was an image I chose not to have. My mother and brother gave me that choice; they went to the hospital to take care of the details. As awful as he looked the last days of his life, there was still blood circulating in his veins.

At this gentleman’s funeral, I am seeing a dead body for the first time. I understand now why people say that the dead look waxy. It is not a cliche, there seems to be no other way to describe it. A carved stone. A fake dried up skin ornament. A rubber caricature. All the features are elongated, the angles accentuated. The head is propped improbably while the chest disappears under sateen. I wonder why a man would want the world to see this abandoned vessel. I’ve heard it brings closure, it helps solidify the grieving process, heals the wounds faster. Perhaps it was a custom he brought from his past. Perhaps there was some hubris too in opening his own corpse for display, a final morbid joke, a memento mori that forced us to witness our own mortality as we looked upon the remnants of his corporeal placeholder. 

Cell Wars

What fatal flaw built us to be simple skin operators,
blind to the underside of things?

No matter the state of the surface,
when the light turns, the body flips
an underground switch and a motley
opera of cells enact procedures.

As I lay in bed philosophizing death,
tiny proteins beat me to it.

– November 2011